Today is June 19th, and it’s been 6 months since mom left us. As much as I’ve accepted that she’s passed on, I often think that she’s just on vacation (she traveled often anyway). I know she won’t and I know it won’t happen but I still like to tell myself that she’s coming back and we’d return to eating and laughing together as we always did. Then I snap back to reality, find her room empty, and remind myself to move onto my new normal (whatever it is).
Missing mom has been tremendously painful. I often scold myself for not facing reality, awkwardly hurt when I feel like I get too busy to think about her, and keep asking when I’ll ever get over the grief. After a bit of counseling and a lot of reading, I realized it isn’t a matter of “getting over” her loss. It’s a matter of keeping her love alive in those she loved so deeply. One book I’ve read had a passage that had just what I needed:
The one you love has gone Home and is now at peace. Trust the bond of love that forever united you with your loved one. None of us knows how the future will unfold, but walk into what awaits you with confidence. Trust that you will be given what you need to heal from your loss. The compassionate grace of God is with you and will uphold you through whatever storms and struggles come. You have more inner strength than you know. Trust in your ability to survive and to move on from your grief. Be ready for new touches of love and joy. Welcome your restored peace when it returns and walk forward with hope in your heart.
Then it continues with a prayer:
May you rest your heartache in the compassionate arms of God each day and find comfort from this Enduring Love. May you welcome the tears you shed as friends of your soul, gifting you with an opening to release your pain. May you trust the hidden part of you where your resilience resides and remember often the inner strength your spirit contains. May you find the balance you need between activity and quiet so you can be attentive to your grief. May you be gentle and compassionate with yourself by caring well for your body, mind and spirit. May the day come when memories of your departed one bring you more comfort than sadness. May you trust that love is stronger than death and draw comfort from the bond that unites you with our loved one.
And with that I say thanks again, Mom. Thanks for teaching me what it feels to be loved, and to love in return. Thanks for your love that sustains beyond grief and life. Thank you for keeping your love alive in me.