Unconscious :(

Actually, scratch the previous title.  What I’m seeing now has to be the worst feeling in the world. So many thoughts and I don’t know where to begin or what to write…..

Mom is still here, hanging on, but unconscious.  She’s been like that for more than a day, and I haven’t left her side.  I tried to sleep, but I was restless as I cried and watched Mom sleep.  The doctors say it could be anytime soon, but I refuse to believe them and don’t want it to come. I still want to believe that she’ll wake up and get better.  I still want to believe in her miracle. I can’t even…….No! I’m not even entertaining the thought of what life would be like without her.

But I know I need to de-stress and list out some thoughts…..so here goes…..

  • Mom had such a loving zest for life that taught me how to see the silver lining in everything.  She taught me keep positive even as it hurt to do so.  Trying my best to do that now.
  • Mom taught me to trust that I will always be taken care of and provided for, whether by family, friends and of course, Providence Himself.  No matter what, someone will be sent to take care of me.
  • Mom was excellent at expressing herself:
    • through art – she was very crafty, creative and had an eye for decorations
    • through communication – she made far feel near
    • through her gaiety and authenticity with everyone she loved
  • Mom’s heart is strong.  At the state she’s in, lacking oxygen and all, the doctors say her heart should have stopped a long time ago.  But it’s actually beating strong and keeping her alive.  That speaks volumes of her character – I’m hanging on to that thought forever.

Just the positive, not entertaining the negative. We’ve been in the hospital for 10 days, but I’ve never left her side.  I’m still here, tired yet alert.  I watch her fade away as I hang on to all I cherish about her.

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